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hiphop-elements.com • View topic - Cruisin Down the Freelane

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 Post subject: Cruisin Down the Freelane
PostPosted: 08/23/09 01:57:54 PM 
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Joined: 08/23/09 01:39:58 PM
Posts: 3
I'm new here was wondering if anybody could give constructive feedback

Is it off beat? I think it flows well with the beat?

If anybody can give some good advise I would appreciate it

http://www.zshare.net/audio/64525147b64d5e/


Last edited by Smooth on 08/26/09 09:18:52 PM, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Cruisin Down the Freelane
PostPosted: 08/23/09 02:25:18 PM 
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Posts: 5149
Location: C-Town OH 10
:lol:

Wow.... ummmm.... aight lemme contain my laughter here and try to be a little nice....


Okay man, first of all let me say you need tons of work. Yes it did flow well with the beat but your lyrics were unoriginal, dull, and showed no creativity at all. You could've did without the repetitive "cruisin cruisin cruisin" over and over, that got annoying after about 3 seconds... and please tell me you were freestyling that, cuz if you wrote that you need to try waaaaaaay harder. Even for a freestyle that was more comical than anything I could nod my head to. And I was laughing at you, not with you homey. The beat sounded like it was made with 1987 Casio glow in the dark keyboard... and your worst line was the "stay moist, never stay dry" ... the fuck was that?? LOL.... keep doin ya thang dude but take it from me, you got a long way to go.

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Toez

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 Post subject: Re: Cruisin Down the Freelane
PostPosted: 08/23/09 02:39:39 PM 
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Funkytoez wrote:
:lol:

Wow.... ummmm.... aight lemme contain my laughter here and try to be a little nice....


Okay man, first of all let me say you need tons of work. Yes it did flow well with the beat but your lyrics were unoriginal, dull, and showed no creativity at all. You could've did without the repetitive "cruisin cruisin cruisin" over and over, that got annoying after about 3 seconds... and please tell me you were freestyling that, cuz if you wrote that you need to try waaaaaaay harder. Even for a freestyle that was more comical than anything I could nod my head to. And I was laughing at you, not with you homey. The beat sounded like it was made with 1987 Casio glow in the dark keyboard... and your worst line was the "stay moist, never stay dry" ... the fuck was that?? LOL.... keep doin ya thang dude but take it from me, you got a long way to go.

One

Toez


So pretty much to sum up what you said you just didn't like the lyrics because you thought they were "un original, dull, and showed no creativity at all" but it did flow well? Ok , as far as it being un original dull and showing no creativity I'd have to say I disagree, I was original I didn't use anybody elses ideas, dull I don't figure how you could come up with that, it has a good vibe to it if you ask me, and as far as creative goes repeating some of the same lines is the idea it makes it catchy for the listener. I don't understand how I would have to try "waaaaaaay harder" how can you justify your point other than you just simply not liking it? And of course "stay moist, never stay dry" is another way of pretty much saying your gonna stay fresh and stay on top of your game, dry meaning like a rapper dried out which is the opposite, that's why I follow the lines after that saying "Chill real, with an ill tie, like an ill guy" cuz that's fresh. As far as the beat goes thats a dope beat man I don't know why your trippin over it , it has a laid back vibe, high til I die 2Pac type of sounding beat to me if you ask me.
Over all I respect your feedback but I disagree with it mostly. Appreciate your time though man ,

anybody else feel free to post feedback
Ty


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 Post subject: Re: Cruisin Down the Freelane
PostPosted: 08/24/09 10:00:55 AM 
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Joined: 04/17/01 05:00:00 PM
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Location: Oxnard, California
Man, what's the point of asking for feedback if you're just going to pick it apart and try to show that person that their opinion is somehow wrong? Dude, just take it for what it is. You asked for feedback and you got it.

That said, I didn't like this at all.

The beat was annoying. I can kind of see what you were going for but the main line, that high pitched synth line, was grating to listen to. The rest of the beat's okay actually. What I'd do with it is probably take that same melody and either take it down an octive or try a different patch or something. I think it's just way too high pitched as it is now...nails on the chalkboard territory.

But even if you fixed it, it'd still sound dated. But I don't know. That's the type of shit them cholos around my way still be making so....

Your flow was also really bad. Like super bad. That's probably the biggest problem here. You were way off beat and you started and finished bars in odd places. It sounds like you weren't even listening to the beat actually. It's a mess. So if you're going for catchy know this: your shit won't be catchy if it's off beat.

And I have to agree with dude about the lyrics being weak and unoriginal. I mean, you say you didn't take anyone's ideas and maybe that's true but it's the kind of subject that everyone's written about (I've written several) and it's like you didn't even bother to put your own type of spin on it or come with any clever lines or nothing. It basically sounds like some half-assed Bay Area shit from like 93 or so.

That said, weak as this is, I wouldn't be too discouraged. What this sounds like is a lot of people's first attempts at putting something down. Specifically, them cats that just write but don't really be in cyphers or nothing...never really spitting in front of nobody. This is super sloppy but I can see your vision. The biggest thing you need to do is make sure your vocals are on beat.


Peace

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 Post subject: Re: Cruisin Down the Freelane
PostPosted: 08/24/09 01:14:24 PM 
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Joined: 08/23/09 01:39:58 PM
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^^ Thanks man, I'm still learning, I'm still new at it,

I knew it's not amazing that's why I post it so I can try to improve.

Appreciate the feedback


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 Post subject: Re: Cruisin Down the Freelane
PostPosted: 08/29/09 10:53:47 AM 
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Joined: 10/01/01 05:00:00 PM
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Location: C-Town OH 10
Yeah and that's why you should just appreciate the feedback instead of disagreeing with it. I'm not trying to clown on you saying what I said, just calling it like I see it... you're just starting out, I've been writing songs and recording for years so I know what I'm talking about. The feedback is meant to help you improve, and you won't improve with people telling you what they think you want to hear. I'm not going to sugarcoat my criticism for anyone... whether you agree with it or not makes no difference.

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