hiphop-elements.com

well, besides being a baseball player and now a coach i also happen to be a mentor. so i'll be happy to answer any questions you have about anything. i only ask one thing, please address each question with the following: hey tony. thanks.


Yours Truly,
Tony Gwynn #19

hey tony,

how come your wife is a fat bitch? I'd think that even the chubbiest of athletes could get a woman with either looks or personalities, and uncharacteristically you struck out on both.

thanks!

Hey Tony,

Where is my father? He went to the grocery store a while ago and said he'd be backa couple years ago, but he hasn't come home. Are the lines really that long?

Thanks.

Dear Pimphofoo,

Well, Alicia wasn't always fat. When I first met Alicia she was one hot looking woman. But, as always, once you get married women don't try to stay in shape anymore.....and well, that's what happened with Alicia. She is still a great woman and is an excellent cook, as you all can tell by looking at me, haha. I don't think I struck out, I think I hit a triple.

Dear EYEo,

Your father left you son? That's a shame, but he still might be at the grocery store. During this labor strike, the grocery stores take a really long time son. So I think it's safe to say that your father is still in line with your cart of food.

Should I expose you now, or later?

Dear Powder,

First of all you forgot the proper addressings when you wrote your question son, but that's ok since I'm always happy to steer a young person like yourself in the right direction. Now, your question has no significance since I happen to be Tony Gwynn. Now if there's one thing I learned during my lifetime it's not to snich on your friends. Think about what I said son.

Tony,

Why am I addicted to guns?

THANKS TONEY

Tony ...Being a baseball player...Have you ever *accidently* hit yourself in the nuts while swinging ? ...You know...Takin it :biteme: to :assmunch: home plate :wink:

Tony: when are you gonna bring the jheri curl back?

Hey Tony,

How does one go about performing a 60th trimester abortion?

Thanks

wtf

it'd be being performed on you

Dear Francis M. H. White,

So you have a fascination with guns son? Well, maybe you enjoy the sport of hunting. Maybe, you enjoy collecting valueable guns for a hobby. Or maybe you might just be a video game addict and need to stop playing those games son. I have something else you should be addicted too instead of guns and that is pussy. So, go out and get that pussy tiger.

You have a pussy

is it healthy to fart in the bathtub and turn around and bite the bubbles?

Dear Pusha,

Well, I am an expert when it comes to swinging a baseball bat so i've never hit myself in the nuts, plus you should always wear protection. My protection of choice is a bananna cup, it fits much better that a normal cup which smases your nuts. Now metaphorically speaking son, when i'm swinging my bat around with my wife.....my aim is straight and true.

Dear Relic,

I'll bring the jeri curl back when the Padres win the World Series.

promise?